Recipe One

Creme Brûlée, This is a dish that gets your attention. That's the only reason people make it. This is one of those dishes that was probably invented because some king would have killed the guy if he didn't. I spoke of getting laid, this is the one for that. The sensual nature may make one think of sex things and the high caloric content will make one insecure and more easily seduced. This affects boys and girls alike. In the USA it was popularized, legendarily, by good ole' Thomas Jefferson as a new way to torture his slaves. The first thing to do is to gather your ingredients:


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1 pint of cream.
The cream is the most important part because it is the first word in the title of the dish. It is the ether upon which the dessert is vibrating, man. It is the foundation. I used some organic cream that tasted pretty good. There are better creams in glass jars and I won't condescend to say what I got was the best. With dairy, the more pretentious, the better.

6 eggs.
Organic yolks, separated by moving the egg back and forth between shell halves cracked along the proverbial equator. Farmers probably have good ones. Be sure to remove that little white thing that clings to the yolk for a better effect. If you don't it will be removed when you strain it, but you don't want to cut corners and start down that slippery slope, if such slopes exist.

1 half cup of sugar.
Use white sugar or whatever. It's sugar. It really doesn't matter in this case. Also, at the end, the white sugar makes a glassier crust. The cheaper, the better.

2 Vanilla beans.
They say that Mexico makes the tastiest vanilla beans. They also say that Madagascar makes the best vanilla beans. Or Tahiti. I used two of them because I wanted to impress some people with my mad skills, as they say. You need to cut the bean gently the long way and be sure not to cut all the way. It should be butterfly vanilla.

Scrape the goo out of the pod. This goo is the seeds:


Put this goo in a pot with the cream. Then, you bring this almost to a simmer and take it of of the heat, stirring a lot to keep the cream from scorching. In the meantime, mix the sugar and egg yolks until they go from runny to thick to very runny.



Mix the cream and vanilla into the yolky mix, a little bit at a time, until half of the mix is incorporated. Then, add the rest. Whisk while you do all of this. The next step is to strain this stuff through a sieve to make sure the clumps come out, and yet, preserve the vanilla seeds.

You will strain this fluid into four 7 OZ ramekins. These ramekins will be placed into a water bath (bain-marie) that is half way up the side of said ramekins. These are placed into a 250 degree oven for an hour. Then you tap the side of the dishes. When they wiggle in the middle without being liquid or solid (whoa!), they're done. Let them cool. Wrap them in plastic and put them in the fridge.

After they have rested for a few hours, they will be solid enough to be finished. If they have browned on top, you can use a paper towel to get the brown bits of of the top. Do this, if need be. The last part is the one that seems hard and makes people like you.

Put sugar on the custard to a depth of one eighth inch. Then use a torch, propane, butane or whatever to heat the sugar until it is liquid. Move the dish side to side and back and forth, making the liquid sugar coat the top of the dessert. Relax while you do this. Sugar can feel fear. Do this until the sugar glass has reached a dark brown in some spots and a clear color in others. Smoke is fine. Variation is key to success. Once you have achieved this step, put the dish in the freezer for a few minutes to cool and feed to the ones you love.